


Colors of Suffering

by henclair



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and angst and angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Sad, im so sorry, kinda prose-y
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 14:35:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11106594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henclair/pseuds/henclair
Summary: Based on Halsey's song "Colors"





	Colors of Suffering

“Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so”  
Lance was constantly telling Keith about his siblings, all nine of them. Keith loved hearing about his sister’s beauty experiments on him and all his brother’s mischievous smiles. Keith had Shiro, and only Shiro. 

“You said your mother only smiled on her TV show”  
Lance on occasion would get homesick and reminisce. He would talk about his Mama and Papa. How his Papa would let Lance help him cook dinner, and how they would eventually end up with flour or salt on their noses. He would talk about his tough Mama and how she rarely cracked a smile and her affinity for soap operas.

“You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope”  
Keith was Lance’s drug, and he was addicted. When they touched they were fire and ice, the stark contrast between their skin causing a sort of high.

“I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old”  
When Lance flew away in his lion, he was 27 years old. It had been almost 9 months since he left and Keith was counting down the days until Lance’s 28th birthday. Keith was praying Lance would make it until then.

 

“You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise”  
The tears Lance cried were sweet and salty, Keith’s were bitter. 

 

“You’re spilling like an overflowing sink”  
Keith could remember the night before Lance left, when he woke to the sound of sobbing. Keith couldn’t remember any time before that when he saw pure sadness.

“You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece”  
Lance was a mess the next day, silent with tear stained cheeks. That night he left a note on Keith’s bed and left with his lion.

“And now I’m tearing through the pages and the ink”  
The note read “Earthbound.” Short and bittersweet, Keith slept with it underneath his pillow. It was crinkled and soft, worn with tears and love.

“Everything is blue”  
Blue was Lance’s favorite color, he rarely wore any other color.

“His pills, his hands, his jeans”  
There were ADHD pills on Lance’s bathroom counter as well as a pair of worn out jeans with blue paint handprints. Keith wouldn’t let anyone touch anything in those rooms Lance lived in, he just couldn’t give up hope that Lance would be back.

“And now I’m covered in the colors”  
Keith raided Lance’s closet and only wore his clothing. They were too big but Keith couldn’t care less.

“Pulled apart at the seams”  
The seams of the Voltron team were taut with tension. Keith was surly, Pidge was obsessive, Hunk was over worried, and Shiro was pushing them all too hard. Allura was dead silent, Coran couldn’t be reached.

“And it’s blue”  
Too much space between them.

And it’s blue”  
Too many variables.

 

“Everything is gray”  
Keith’s complexion was pallid and all the life in him seemed to be gone.

“His hair, his smoke, his dreams”  
Keith remembered the dark times in his life and longed for a cigarette to make him forget, forget Lance and Voltron and the circling depression, make his lungs fill with burning acrid smoke, to kill him before his feelings did.

“And now he’s so devoid of colors”  
Nothing in his closet was good anymore, it was gray and black, lacking in the colors and emotions that Lance kept.

“He don’t know what it means”  
Keith didn’t know how to feel anymore.

“And he’s blue”  
He couldn’t feel anymore.

“And he’s blue”  
He was numb and when he slept he saw oceans of blue.”

 

“You were a vision in the morning when the light came through”  
The castle had artificial sunlight that woke them all up, and one morning Keith woke up to a bedheaded Lance smiling at him from the doorway, the light hitting all of his features perfectly.

“I know I’ve only felt religion when I lied with you”  
All those nights spent lying together in the dark, were they nothing? Did Lance only lie with him because he was there?

“You said you’ll never be forgiven till your boys are too”  
The Paladins were family, Lance swore he would go down fighting with them, of he went down at all.

“And I’m still waking every morning but it’s not with you”  
Keith wondered if Lance would go down alone in space.

 

“You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise”  
Happy tears every time they survived a battle.

“You’re spilling like an overflowing sink”  
Too many tears remembering those battles. 

“You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece”  
They both had problems, many, many, problems.

“And now I’m tearing through the pages and the ink”  
Keith reread every note Lance ever wrote him, the letters seeming to swim, drenched in ink and meaning. The words were a blur.

“Everything is blue”  
Was this what it’s like to drown?

“His pills, his hands, his jeans”  
Keith couldn’t sleep, remembering every little detail he was immune to when Lance was there. The wrinkle in his shirts, the ever painted nails, the obnoxiously tight pants.

“And now I’m covered in the colors”  
Flushed skin, two bodies melded as one.

“Pulled apart at the seams”  
So many agonising hours, pulling his hair out in distress.

 

“And it’s blue”  
Moody and distant, screams of sadness. Keith truly did feel blue.

“And it’s blue”  
Drowning in blue.

“Everything is gray”  
Keith had stopped smoking years ago, now he had the unbearable want for cigarette smoke to fill his lungs and choke his breath.

“His hair, his smoke, his dreams”  
Lance had called his hairstyle a mullet, Keith had denied it. But everytime he had the urge to cut eit, he was worried Lance wouldn’t recognize him if they ever met again.

“And now he’s so devoid of colors”  
Keith had no soul left.

“He don’t know what it means”  
There was much confusion on where Lance had gone, and Zarkon had vanished for the time being.

“And he’s blue”  
There was nothing to do but sit and weep for their missing paladin.

“And he’s blue”  
And weep Keith did.

“Everything is blue”  
The food goo had turned blue, Hunk and Coran working hard to figure out what caused it. It was a chemical imbalance that had occurred when they brought a new plant onboard.

“Everything is blue”  
The food goo reminded Keith of the ocean.

“Everything is blue”  
The ocean reminded him of Lance.

“Everything is blue”  
Why did everything come back to Lance?

“You were red and you liked me cause I was blue”  
A story of two boys.

“You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky”  
They were colors, they mixed into something new every time.

“And you decided purple just wasn’t for you”  
But colors fade.

“Everything is blue”  
Lance wasn’t aware that Keith loved him, Keith had never said that when they were together.

“His pills, his hands, his jeans”  
Keith was aware he hadn’t taken his anxiety and depression meds in months, he had Lance who was better than any medication. 

“And now I’m covered in the colors”  
He trained until his eyes were spotty with white and red, and when he closed his eyes he could see the sea, and smell the salt from his sweat building an image in his mind. 

“Pulled apart at the seams”  
It was driving him insane.

“And it’s blue”  
He wondered how many stages of grief he has gone through.

And it’s blue”  
He feels like he’s drowning in feelings, taking a dive off the deep end.

“Everything is gray”  
Shiro’s white streak seems grayer now, like he’s aged in a few months more than he would have aged in a few years.

“His hair, his smoke, his dreams”  
Hunk can’t console Keith’s nightmares since the yellow paladin has his own now.

“And now he’s so devoid of colors”  
Coran was tired, bone weary. As much as he said he didn’t have favorites Lance was obviously one.

“He don’t know what it means”  
Did Lance know he held voltron together like this? Did he know how much they relied on him?

“And he’s blue”  
He flew off in Red, leaving a note on Pidge’s pillow, and leaving Voltron down two.

“And he’s blue”  
Keith only saw the varying shades of blue in the galaxies he flew through, time lost meaning and so days and weeks and months blurred together, until it was Lance’s birthday, and he saw a speck.

“Everything is blue”  
Keith could see Blue and she was floating aimlessly.

“Everything is blue”  
Keith could see Lance, and he was staring out the window in awe.

“Everything is blue”  
Their lions met in the middle of the vast expanse of space, colliding into a haze of purple sparks.

“Everything is blue”  
And Keith cried happy blue tears, for a blue boy, in the blue expanse of space. 

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> im so so sorry, it's sad  
> tumblr: @writinginmysparetime and @floralconversesations  
> please give me the feedback we all crave


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